How to Protect Your Devices and Accounts From a Controlling Partner

It can be incredibly frightening when you suspect a partner is monitoring your every move online. This guide will help you understand how to make it much harder for them to spy on your devices and accounts.

Spot the signs of spyware (stalkerware)

Stalkerware is a type of software that someone can secretly install on your phone or computer to track your location, messages, calls, and online activity. It's designed to be hidden, but there are often subtle signs that something isn't right.

• Your device's battery drains much faster than usual.
• Your device runs slower, crashes often, or behaves erratically.
• You notice unfamiliar apps on your phone or computer, or apps that you didn't install yourself.
• Your data usage suddenly increases without a clear reason.
• Your device restarts unexpectedly or lights up when not in use.

Secure your phone

Your phone is often the most personal device, making it a prime target for surveillance. Taking steps to secure it is crucial.

• Set a strong, unique PIN or password for your phone and ensure it locks automatically after a short period.
• Review all the apps installed on your phone. If you see any apps you don't recognise or remember installing, uninstall them.
• Check the permissions of your apps (e.g., in Android: Settings > Apps > [App Name] > Permissions; in iOS: Settings > Privacy > [Permission Type]). Turn off any permissions that seem excessive for that app.
• Turn off location sharing for apps that don't need it (e.g., in Android: Settings > Location > App permissions; in iOS: Settings > Privacy > Location Services).

Lock down your online accounts

If someone has access to your passwords, they can easily log into your accounts and read your messages, emails, and social media. Changing your passwords and adding extra security layers is vital.

• Change all your important passwords (email, social media, banking, cloud storage). Choose strong, unique passwords that are long and combine different types of characters.
• Enable two-factor authentication (2FA) wherever possible. This adds an extra step, usually a code sent to your phone, to log in.
• Check the 'activity' or 'security' section of your accounts (e.g., Google Account > Security > Your devices; Facebook > Settings & Privacy > Security and Login) to see if there are any unfamiliar logged-in devices or locations. Log them out if you find any.

Protect your email and cloud storage

Your email is often the key to all your other online accounts, and cloud storage can hold sensitive photos and documents. Securing these is a high priority.

• Change your email password to something very strong and unknown to your partner.
• Enable two-factor authentication for your email account.
• Review activity logs in your email and cloud storage for any unusual access.
• Check forwarding rules in your email settings (e.g., in Gmail: Settings > See all settings > Forwarding and POP/IMAP) to ensure emails aren't being secretly sent to another address.

Secure your computer

Just like your phone, your computer can be a target for monitoring software. Protecting it involves similar steps.

• Use a strong, unique password to log into your computer.
• Check your computer for unfamiliar programs or applications and uninstall anything you don't recognise or didn't install.
• Review recently installed software (e.g., in Windows: Settings > Apps > Apps & features; in macOS: System Settings > General > Login Items and Applications folder).
• Keep your operating system and all software updated, as updates often include security fixes.

Key takeaway

Taking these steps can significantly increase your digital safety and privacy, making it much harder for a controlling partner to monitor your activities. Remember, your safety is paramount, and there are resources available to help you further.