How to Quietly Investigate Suspected Partner Monitoring

If you're worried your partner might be monitoring your phone or computer, it's a serious concern. This guide will help you investigate discreetly and safely, as removing monitoring software can sometimes put you in more danger if you haven't planned ahead.

Recognising the Signs of Stalkerware

Stalkerware is designed to be hidden, but it often leaves traces. Being aware of these signs can help you determine if your device might be compromised. Don't dismiss these small clues as they could be indicators of something more serious.

• Your device battery drains much faster than usual, even with light use.
• Your device feels warm even when not in heavy use.
• Unfamiliar apps appear on your phone or computer that you don't remember installing.
• Your data usage unexpectedly increases.
• Your device performs slowly, crashes frequently, or reboots randomly.
• You receive strange texts or emails that look like computer code.

Checking Your Phone Settings

Your phone's settings can reveal if permissions have been granted to suspicious apps, or if your location is being shared without your knowledge. Take your time to go through these settings carefully when you have privacy and uninterrupted time.

• **Android:** Go to `Settings > Apps` or `Applications` and review the list for any unfamiliar apps. Check `Settings > Biometrics and security > Other security settings > Device admin apps` for anything you didn't approve. Look at `Settings > Location > App permissions` to see which apps can access your location.
• **iPhone:** Go to `Settings > General > iPhone Storage` to see all installed apps. Review `Settings > Privacy & Security > Location Services` to see which apps have access to your location and turn off sharing for anything suspicious. Check `Settings > Privacy & Security > Tracking` to see which apps are requesting to track your activity.
• Look for any unfamiliar profiles under `Settings > General > VPN & Device Management` (iPhone) or `Settings > Biometrics and security > Other security settings > Install unknown apps` (Android).

Reviewing Your Computer for Suspicious Activity

Computers can also be targets for monitoring software. Just like with phones, checking for unusual programs or changes in settings can provide important clues. Do this when you can be alone with your computer and are sure no one can see what you're doing.

• **Windows:** Open `Control Panel > Programs > Programs and Features` and look for any unfamiliar programs. Check `Task Manager` (Ctrl+Shift+Esc) for unknown processes running in the background. Review `System Configuration` (type `msconfig` in the Start menu search) for strange startup items.
• **Mac:** Open `Finder > Applications` and look for unknown apps. Check `System Settings > General > Login Items` for programs set to open automatically. Look at `System Settings > Privacy & Security > Full Disk Access` and `Accessibility` for apps with unusual permissions.
• Be wary of any unexpected remote access tools or screen-sharing software.

Considering Your Online Accounts and Passwords

If someone has access to your passwords, they can easily access your online accounts, including email, social media, and cloud storage. This is a common way for someone to monitor your activities without even needing to install software on your device.

• Check your email and social media accounts for signs of unauthorised access, such as password reset emails you didn't request or messages you don't remember sending.
• Review the 'last active' or 'security activity' sections in your online accounts (e.g., Google, Facebook) for unfamiliar locations or devices.
• Look at your browser history for websites you haven't visited.

Prioritising Your Safety and Seeking Expert Help

If your investigation confirms your suspicions, your safety is the most important thing. Do not try to remove the software or confront the person on your own. This could escalate the situation and put you at greater risk. Instead, reach out for professional help first.

• Contact a domestic violence support service or a cybersecurity expert who specialises in supporting victims of stalkerware.
• Use a safe, unmonitored device (like a friend's phone or a public library computer) to research and contact support organisations.
• Do not try to uninstall or tamper with any suspected stalkerware on your own without professional guidance, as it might alert the person monitoring you.

Key takeaway

Investigating suspected partner monitoring requires caution and discretion. By carefully observing your devices and understanding the potential signs, you can gather information while prioritising your safety. Remember, if you suspect monitoring, your next step should always be to seek professional advice and support from organisations equipped to help you safely address the situation.