How to Tell If a Partner or Family Member Is Monitoring You

It can be a truly unsettling feeling to suspect someone close to you might be spying on your digital life. This guide will help you understand the signs and give you some steps to consider if you're worried about a partner or family member monitoring your phone or computer.

What is 'Stalkerware'?

Stalkerware, sometimes called 'spouseware', is a type of software that allows someone to secretly monitor another person's device. It can record calls, read messages, track your location, and even turn on your microphone or camera without your knowledge. It’s often installed without your consent and is a serious invasion of privacy.

Signs Your Phone Might Be Compromised

Keep an eye out for unusual behaviour on your smartphone. These changes might be subtle, but they can indicate that something isn't quite right. Trust your instincts if something feels off.

• Your phone battery drains much faster than usual, even with light use.
• Your phone feels warm even when you haven't been using it.
• You notice unfamiliar apps or settings, or apps disappearing.
• Your mobile data usage suddenly increases significantly.
• Your phone makes strange noises during calls, or takes a long time to shut down.
• Messages you didn't send appear in your 'Sent' folder.

Signs Your Computer Might Be Compromised

Similar to phones, computers can also show signs of being monitored. Pay attention to how your computer runs and any unexpected pop-ups or changes.

• Your computer runs much slower than usual or often crashes.
• You notice new toolbars in your web browser or an unfamiliar homepage.
• Files are missing or have been moved without your knowledge.
• Your webcam or microphone light turns on unexpectedly.
• You receive strange pop-ups or error messages.
• Your antivirus software has been turned off or disabled.

How to Check for Stalkerware (Carefully)

Checking for stalkerware requires caution. If you find something, **do not remove it immediately if you fear for your safety**, as this might alert the person monitoring you. Instead, document what you find and seek support.

• On Android: Go to Settings > Apps & notifications > See all apps. Look for unfamiliar apps with suspicious names (e.g., 'System Service', 'Monitor').
• On iPhone: Check for 'profiles' in Settings > General > VPN & Device Management. Unknown profiles can be a sign of monitoring.
• On Windows: Open Task Manager (Ctrl+Shift+Esc), go to the 'Processes' tab, and look for unfamiliar programs running in the background.
• On Mac: Go to Activity Monitor (Finder > Applications > Utilities > Activity Monitor) and look at running processes.

Protecting Yourself and Seeking Help

Once you've identified potential stalkerware, it's crucial to prioritise your safety. Simply deleting the software might not be the safest first step. Consider these actions.

• Document everything: Take screenshots or photos of any suspicious apps, settings, or behaviours.
• Use a 'burner' phone or computer: If you need to communicate privately, use a device that the person has never had access to.
• Change passwords on a secure device: Change all your important passwords (email, banking, social media) using a device you know is safe.
• Seek expert help: Contact a domestic violence support service or a cybersecurity expert who specialises in digital security for survivors.
• Consider a factory reset: As a last resort, and **only after you've secured your safety and backed up important data**, a factory reset can remove all software, including unwelcome monitoring apps.

Key takeaway

If you suspect you